Saturday, August 1, 2009

Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen

Guest Review By: Vegafoo

Transformers 2 is trainwreck...but perhaps i'm judging it incorrectly, bc i was judging it as a movie. Perhaps i should have been judging it as a test to see if you were a 13 year old with mental retardation. What, not sure if you're a 13 year old with mental retardation? heres a simple test. Watch the following scenes from the movie:
2 dogs humping, a different shot of the 2 dogs humping, a small robot humping a robots leg, the same 2 dogs now humping in a different location, a giant robot with balls.
If any of those scenes made you legitimately laugh, you are a 13 year old with mental retardation. If so, congratulations, I found the movie for you.

Also, for all of you racists/sexists out there who have been disturbed by the lack of prejudice in recent giant robot movies, you are in luck. There's plenty racial profiling, bigotry, and female degradation to meet your needs. Just ask the stereotypical black robots, neckbone and cheesegrits. (The names may be a little off, but that doesn't really matter does it?)

Let me give credit where credit is due: Director Michael Bay did make the tough discision to film the entire movie without an actual plot. It was a bold move, but then again, Bay is a bold man. Wait, is bold the right word? Serioulsy though, even as a pure mindless action film, it also exceeds at failing miserably. The CGI is impressive. Who knew that with the technology we have today, futuristic robots can actually be made to look like piles of metal vomit, only distinguishable from one another by bumblebee's yellow color and Optimus' red.

In conclusion, here's a list of things I would rather do than watch this movie again:
-Watch every movie Lindsay Lohan has ever made
-Read the Twilight Series
-Have a cavity filled by the new dentist, Lindsay Lohan
-Come in contact with Lindsay Lohan in any way

No no no, don't stop reading this review. You will sit here and read the funny things I would rather do than watch this movie!!!...

for those of you smart enough to avoid this tragedy, here is the cliff notes version:

the end



Juji said...

Ha ha ha....

Eric, Halcyon, Viana and Brooke said...

Beautiful. I love it!! Pure movie review genius!! Need more of this guest reviewer :)

Anonymous said...

this review blows

Marissa said...

Fabulous. i'm going to read your blog before I see any movie.

Emily said...